Ok so to start off I need to explain what a branding is. It is a form of Scarification/Body modification. Most people do it just to be different stand out from the rest. It is similar to what they do to cows to determine which farm they are from. Some have even said that it separates the boys from the men. So basically it is the process of burning of flesh and leaving a mark behind. Marks that can never be undone. They might fade over time but the scars that are left behind never go away.
This is kind of like every moment in one's lives. No matter how little the moment may be it still leave a lasting impression and make you the person you are. At such a young age I do think that I have had far too many of the scaring moments.
So the first time I was branded was to my recollection was about 4 years ago. Time has this way of melting into a never ending void. I had just left the mother of my child and was one of the angriest and hurt people. To be honest walking away from my family was one of the hardest choices I have ever had to make. If you remember the movie The temple of doom. Well then you will remember the part where the chief ripped the mans heart from the guy showed it to him and then it burned into nothing. Well this is how I felt. I was a shell of a man I used to be. I had nothing inside me and had shut off all feeling and emotions. Except maybe one pain.
After all of this was said and done I met an old friend that I still remember the first time I met her was her first day of kindergarten. I was friends at the time with her brother as we were in the same grade. Anyways we somehow hit things off after not seeing each other for close to ten years. She was my first girlfriend I had since the break up. Anyways this isn't about the relationship. She was the woman to introduce me to drinking as I never had before. I was always a pot head previous. Anyways we had this event every wednesday night called wednesday night madness. Most would call it Hump day we of course did not. A pile of people would all get together at a key character in this story.. Mr Kev. This is one of the people I would have to save had a large impact on helping me become who I am.
So one night as we came over he came to me and told me he was going to brand someone. I told him I wanted one too. He then proceeded to tell me that he would do it for me but this has to be done for a reason. he told me is there anything that you want to burn out of your life? I told him that I did wish to and it had a name which at the time was that fucking bitch. He then said that he wouldn't do it for that reason. My Girlfriend then said well why don't you burn out the pain and anger you had inside of you for her. So it began.. I should also mention this was fairly well into us drinking that night.
First we had to decide on a design and this is not a strong point for me. He started to ask me things to help his creative process. He asked about my daughter and what was the place she loved the most when she was with me. It was on my shoulders. So he took that concept and came up with Aries symbol over the Libra symbol. This symbolizes Alliyah (my daughter) on my shoulders.
From this we went outside and Mr. Kev asked me to choose between many types of wood which I can come to remember at this time all i know Is I chose the wood that had some regrowth with it. Which to me meant new beginnings.
So we went back to his place to start the process that would freak many people out until they knew the process behind it. So he put the wood on the stove element. Which in the long run made charcoal and hot embers. He slowly word me up to the actual process. at first with only a small ember. and then worked up to a larger ember. This was to numb my skin for the procedure about to begin. At this point he made me concentrate on the candle he put in front of me. He wouldn't continue until he knew I was concentrating on the pain I had inside me. Once he knew I had full concentration on the pain I had inside me.. He started the process.
This is where I should say that pain is a state of mind. And a state of mind can be the most painful choices. But onkky if you allow them to to be. In the long run Pain is only a state of mind. that can only be felt by the weak minded. Because when I was branded I felt nothing but the pain I had kept deep inside me to never be released. But when I felt the burn of my skin there was only one way for it to be released. And once it was released it was by far the most incredible feeling ever because it change the person I am today.
I showed me that there is nothing wrong with expressing myself no matter how it came out. May it be through artistic expression or may it be through letting my feelings that I have held deep inside me that I expected no one to ever see. A man who can actually express how he truely feels is more a man than a repressed person who is afraid to release the true person they truely are.
After I was branded I bacame the person I am now. Not affraid of expressing my emotions and feelings so that all can see no matter what judgement is made for these feelings. May it be Emo, crazy.. or Just a real person... That judgement lays you the reader of this...
This is actually how this all came to be. This is how I came to be Griff. The alter ego.
