Griff vs. the Bidet

So not sure if everyone would know what a bidet is so I should probably explain what it is first.
Its a bathroom fixture that cleans you genitalia if female or cleans the nether region on guys..

So I was cleaning up a flood that happened at a house just off of the Vanier Parkway here in Ottawa. Well as we were tearing up the carpets and dry wall I noticed this woman had a Bidet in her bathroom. Well once we had cleaned up the mess I knew I had to try this thing out.

So I go use this bathroom and had to make sure to have something to clean off first... won't go into that sort of detail as its really not needed. So as I sit on the throne I look at the Bidet and wonder how this thing works. It has two handles on the back or it. So I turn the right side one on first. it makes the water swirl. So I try the second handle but didn't think about only turning it on a bit. Well I turn it completely on. Well wouldn't you know it it has enough water pressure to hit the ceiling. So after cleaning up a flood I have to clean up the drenched bathroom. anyways I cleaned up the bathroom. So now its time to sit down and use this what I thought was a weird contraption. So I turn on the second tap again but not quite as strong this time. Which didn't matter because I miss aimed and jumped a little because I didn't expect to hit my boys..
Anyways so I re-adjust and try once again. Well I gotta say that every house should have one of these. It feels strange at first but think about it you never have to wipe again. I'm not a tree hugger but we could save a lot of tree's if everyone had a Bidet.

So back to the title of this post. I think no matter how I look at this. the water hit the ceiling and I hit my boys.. I only got myself clean after these events. So I would have to score this as:

Griff: 1 Bidet: 2

I guess this goes to show I don't win all the time even tho I am a perfectionist.